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Friday, May 21, 2010

go away, go away...i rushing for my way!

i can't stop my walk here, no no..
this will not be a beginning of all disaster..
i said no, i make it as a statement..
statement that cannot be change!!.
but why why, keep on playing and running in my mind..
oh no! stop circling, stop marching, stop..

i need to focus, i need the spirit, where my spirit...
Allah give me the spirit, may way be bless always..
my road is still far away ...far toward success,
so don't don't...keep arguing about it in my mind,
i not only do this for my own sake, but also for others..

this is the rhythm of my life,
i carve it smoothly, not because i can't resist when it hard..
just because maybe, it just suit for me,
but i feel,....*stuttering for a while..
...it just okay!
just gamble for it, don't worry..
just make it real, focus on it.
don't lose hope..

i'm the the king..
i'm control my thinking..
this is my mind thinking..
hope Allah give me the best way to think..
hope, to have a good ending..
walk way till end and smiling..

2 comments:

Si Kure-kuree said...

salam, pakcik..

ni komen2 dari untie..cehh..ngee~ (membetulkan sore n duduk gaya pengkritik AF)

Isinya menarik..mesej yg ingin disampaikan menarik..cuma there are grammatical errors here and there..
eg: i rushing for my way, (sepatutnya, i'm rushing)..

tapi bila bace best je..ryhme dia okeyh..kalu nak analyse ni, mau mkn 4 5 page ngn 2 3 hari jugak nih..
tp kalo ikut yg lecturer poetry untie pesan, a best poetry is a poem yg buat readers dia berfikir, not a very straight to da point..ikut kate dia lah..ngee~

n one more thing pasal grammar, kena beware..but if the structure, tak kisah..a poem slalunya mmg structure tunggang langgang..bcoz nak bgi ryhming..so, itu dimaafkan dlm poem..cme da grammar kna jga..especially da SVA (subject verb agreement)..

lastly, sorry..terpanjang plak komennya..but overall, this is a nice one..keep trying and keep up the good part..

p/s: try lah tulis in malay jugak..hehehe

peace no war,
untie.

Fahmi Ali Jr. said...

wah! thanks for d comment, akan diusahakan supaya lebih baik.. =)